Grief doesn’t follow a schedule.
There’s no timeline. No neat circle of stages.
It’s not something you get through — it’s something you learn to live with.
Lately, I’ve felt it resurfacing.
A friend’s passing anniversary.
The nearing of the day my grandmother — my light, my biggest support — left this world.
And a newsletter from someone I admire, bravely sharing how she’s rebuilding after losing her husband.
It reminded me: we are all living life after loss.
Sometimes it’s a sharp pain.
Sometimes it’s a quiet ache.
Sometimes it’s a memory that catches you off guard in the middle of a beautiful day.
And sometimes, the guilt shows up too — when joy creeps in, uninvited.
When you laugh. When you smile. When something good happens and you wish you could share it with them.
That tension?
It’s normal.
And more than that — it’s sacred.
You’re allowed to feel both.
Grief and joy are not opposites.
You don’t have to trade one for the other.
You can miss someone with your whole heart and still love the life you’re building.
You can cry in the morning and laugh with your kids in the afternoon.
You can carry them with you and move forward — slowly, gently, fully.
There’s no right way to grieve.
But there are soft ways to support yourself in the after.
What has helped me in my “after”:
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Letting myself remember without guilt.
Some days I cry. Some days I talk to her. Some days I just light a candle and let the memory sit beside me. -
Naming what they gave me — and how it still lives on.
My grandmother taught me joy in the details. To celebrate the little things. That’s her in me. That’s how I know she’s still here. -
Creating rituals around the grief.
A favorite song. A walk at sunset. Cooking something they loved. These acts don’t erase the loss — they make space for it. -
Welcoming joy when it returns.
Not as a betrayal. But as a sign that love continues. That I’m still here. That my life can hold light again
Grief will always be part of your story.
But so will love.
So will joy.
So will the way they shaped you, held you, lit you up — and the ways you now pass that light forward.
There is no right way to heal.
But you can keep living. You can feel joy again.
You can honor their memory by fully showing up for the life they were so proud of.
That doesn’t mean forgetting.
It means remembering in motion.
If today feels heavy, you’re not alone.
Grief is love with nowhere to go.
But joy — when it returns — is love finding a new place to live.
Take your time.
Feel everything.
And know: the light they left in you is still shining.
Download "The Light They Left" Card
With love,
Danette 🧡